Sometimes, I can be a jerk

I was in Spotlight yesterday morning to get bits and pieces for a Christmas present I have been sewing.  I missed my bus so thought I would wander on in. 

Actually, I'm lying. 

The truth is I missed my bus BECAUSE I was in Spotlight. I had about 12 minutes til the next bus came and my stop is out the front of Spotlight so I figured the perfect way to spend 12 minutes is grabbing the 2 items I needed and heading out.  

Next thing I know, 42 minutes have passed and if I don't kick it into high gear and get to the register, I will be missing a second bus home! 

I love Spotlight and try to limit my trips there as it is a time vacuum for me.  I think I could spend hours there quite happily. Perhaps even have a little nap on one of their display beds. Snack on some sour peach hearts. Have a cold beverage from the fridge near the registers.  See - I have it all planned.  

During my time there yesterday, the entire 42 minutes I have was there, somewhere in the store there was a young girl throwing a tantrum.  She cried and yelled the entire time!!  It was the kind of yelling you could hear wherever you were in the store. 

At first I felt sorry for the mother.  Most parents have had the pleasure of dealing with a toddler and understand they aren't known for their ability to listen to reason. They just react and they don't care whether they have an audience or not.

I crossed paths with the mother and the *cough cough* darling child. The little girl was on the floor shrieking. Her mother tried to continue her shopping paying her no attention.  Perhaps she had lost the gift of hearing with such a raucous going on in such close proximity to her. There was also a grandmother there too, and in my sympathetic moment I felt glad that the mother had another person there for moral support. 

About 10 minutes passed and the tantrum had not let up even the tiniest bit. I could hear it clear as day from the other side of the store.  My thoughts turned from sympathy to:

"Wow! That kid is STILL going! Isn't she tired out yet? I need that kind of energy.  Just think of all the projects I could get done. Although it would cost a fortune, and it's already dangerous enough for my bank account that I am here in Spotlight for these few minutes.....damn it!! I think I have missed my bus. Oh well, will just get the next one in half an hour - yay, more browsing time."

As I moved on to another aisle, the screaming continued.  Another woman in the same aisle shook her head and muttered something disapproving.  Determined to at least appear non-judgemental, I just smiled back.  

A little more time passed and I again crossed paths with the mother and her child (demon). This time she was lying on the floor being dragged as she clung to her mothers leg as her mother tried to go about her business.  It was at this point that I began to really question her as a parent. I am embarrassed to admit that in that moment, a wave of superiority washed over me as I mentally patted myself on the back for never having had to drag my child across the floor in any shop as they screamed and cried.  This lady obviously didn't know how to handle her child and needed to take control of this situation as it was ruining the sanctuary that is Spotlight. 

Another shopper and I made eye contact and she rolled her eyes as a means of expressing her disapproval for the mother's handling of her child.  I nodded in silent agreement and she said;

"My goodness, so much for shopping in peace!"

Now, I don't think that Spotlight promises peaceful shopping anywhere as part of their advertising campaign, but this woman clearly felt her shopping experience had been destroyed.  

More than half an hour had passed by this point and with the tantrum still in full swing, I came to the conclusion that this mother clearly has no idea what she is doing and that her daughter must just be a spoilt brat who is used to getting her own way. 

As luck would have it, as I joined the long queue up at the registers, the screamer and her mother joined the line behind me.  What a treat for my ear drums that was! I could see the mother was actively ignoring the tantrum going on right next to her, and knowing this was her method of dealing with the situation, I looked down my nose and observed that this method clearly wasn't working and anyone with half a brain would have clued on to this and tried something else by now. 

Now I try to be very honest in my blogs, partly because I want this to be a true record of my life, and partly because I want people to see me as someone who is very much human and flawed.  I don't feel the need to have it all together at this point in my life because I'm not a finished product yet, I'm a work in progress. But yesterday, I was a judgemental jerk to a fellow mother (not out loud, but in my head) and I climbed up on my high horse and rode it proudly. 

But how quickly I was knocked down! 

As we waited in line, the little girl stopped crying and screaming and all that was left was a small whimper. I turned to see if the tantrum had stopped or if I had in fact gone deaf.  What I saw made me ashamed of myself. The mother bent down and calmly said;

"Are you finished now? I hope you can see that behaving in that way will not get you what you want.  Now let's finish up and head off home for lunch."

The little girl nodded and they quietly finished paying and left. 

I realised here that this mother knew what she was doing. Her own sense of pride took a beating no doubt, but her priority was not the opinion of her fellow shoppers, it was training her daughter to learn the correct way to behave and that negative behaviour will not get you anywhere.  She had obviously set a standard and she stuck to her guns.  

It seemed like a lose/lose scenario as if she gave in when the tantrum kicked off, she would look like a push over parent who indulged her child. On the other hand, by not giving attention to her daughter's tantrum, she was seen as a parent who had zero control of her child. 

It may be lose/lose now, but in the years to come I hope people pat her on the back for raising a child who isn't rude, entitled, and spoilt.  I hope they can see the work she put in training her daughter well.  It's the road less travelled these days, and generally the road less travelled is less travelled for a reason - it's damn hard! 

I wish I actually told her how well I think she handled that teaching moment, but more so I'm grateful for the teaching moment for myself on not being so quick to judge. 

Seeing what is there

Today is the birthday of the man I have loved for over 11 years. He makes me laugh daily, tells me I'm beautiful daily, shows gratitude to me daily, and bugs me only sometimes 😉

He has many gifts, one being his ability to understand many things. He doesn't just understand though, he can articulate and explain in a way that makes him a wonderful teacher.

After waking to watch a 2am All Black game, he was happy they won, but obviously tired. He still willingly agreed to teach my youth Sunday School class for me.  He can come up with a WAY better lesson than I can with very little notice.

A question was asked by one of the youth in the class. She was wondering why Jewish people didn't recognise Jesus Christ as the Saviour. 

Anthony explained that they were looking for someone to save them. A deliverer.  Perhaps someone who would free them with the grandeur of Moses freeing the people from Egypt.  

But Christ came into the world in the most humble of circumstances.  He was known as the carpenters son. He wasn't a great political leader who could offer them the freedom they sought.  He preached "turn the other cheek".  They didn't recognise His greatness.

Anthony's words made me think.  We miss greatness all the time.  In those around us, in our loved ones.  Their greatness can be missed when we see their flaws, their simply being human.    I miss greatness in the people I love most when I see the negative more than the positive.  Or when I scold rather than speak with kindness and patience.  I miss greatness all the time. 

I see greatness in my husband.  There is no grandeur, and he doesn't like a lot of public recognition, but he is great.

Well done Mr Bush....well done.

Anthony is the sort of guy who doesn't like to be the centre of attention.  He doesn't like a big fuss.  

Well Sweetheart, tough luck! Brace yourself because....IT'S FUSS TIME!!!

These last 10 weeks have been pretty exhausting in the Bush household.  We have been both looking forward to and dreading this time for some time now.  For a while now, Anthony has been studying his Secondary Teaching degree.   This is no small feat, as Anthony is also the sole financial provider in our home.  It's a choice we made years ago, and one we continue to make now, but it doesn't come without its own blessings and challenges. Studying whilst working to provide for your family, whilst raising two sons, and being a wonderful husband has been one heck of a juggling act.

 Now, aside from the obvious delight it is being married to me, it also comes with the challenges of my health issues.  This has meant that many times throughout our marriage, Anthony has had to be both Mum AND Dad.  He has not once complained.  When it comes to being a father, he is amazingly 'hands-on'.  I hear some fathers refer to caring for their children as 'helping out' their wife.  Anthony doesn't agree with this and simply refers to it as 'being a parent'.  But during the last few years, he has had both our share of parenting at times, as well as working and studying.  He's pretty awesome like that.  

At the end of a teaching degree, there is a ten week unpaid internship that is like the final hurdle.  There are shorter and less demanding teaching pracs earlier on in the degree, but ten weeks whilst still studying, and being a parent, and trying to make a living has been something we were nervously anticipating.  Me not being able to drive made this even more challenging - perfect timing as always.

 

But tomorrow is the final day of that ten weeks.  

Anthony has an incredible gift for teaching.  I have known this for a long time now and knew that Anthony would do an amazing job on his Internship.  The challenge would be the logistics in juggling it.  There was a mixture of excitement and nerves as to how our little family would manage.  Now I think I speak for both of us when I say it has been exhausting (the dark circles under our eyes will bear witness to that).  The thing is, it has also been a really uniting thing to be working together for something that we all believe in.  Our family has had a common, unified goal for the past ten weeks.  It has been in our thoughts, our discussions, and our prayers.  We have all tried to do our part to make it work, and it has.  It's almost unbelievable that it's over.

I can't express enough how proud I am of the man I love.  He has worked hard for years and now that he is at the finish line, I am so excited for him to be able to share his talents with the students he works with.  It is something that comes so naturally to him.  It is where he shines.  

Congratulations my sweetheart - feel the weight lifted xxx

May I ask you a few questions....

I spent a few minutes asking the boys some questions so they could look back on it in years to come and get a glimpse into what they were like at their current ages.  I wrote down their responses word for word.  Here are some of their answers. 

Carter

1. How old are you? 7

2. What's the best thing about being 7? I get to play.....and it's my favourite.....and I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

3. What is the bad side of being 7? It makes me sometimes be rude and naughty.  Like saying I'm the boss and not Mum and Dad.

4. What is your favourite movie right now and why? Romeo and Juliet.  I love it because it's about love and there is a secret wedding. 

5. Are there any special ladies in your life? Yes - all of them!! And I quote: yes - I love them all. 

(Carter randomly throws "and I quote" into his normal conversation).

Tony

1. How old are you? 9

2. What's the best thing about being 9? You just feel like you are going to be in high school soon.

3. What is the bad side of being 9? You are going to get a beard soon and beards are gross.

4. What is your favourite movie right now and why? Maze Runner because it's really intense.

5. Are there any special ladies in your life? Yes - you Mum....and Daddy.

(That last response shows a glimpse into Tony's quick sense of humour.  He is getting to the age where he is great company to just chat to and hang out with).

Why reading is bad for my sleep

I love to read.  Sometimes I get busy with life and forget that I love to read, but then I open a new book and the familiar feeling comes back to me and I remember why I stay up late when the house is asleep to read 'just to the end of this chapter' knowing perfectly well that this chapter will turn into another....and then another. 

I am currently reading The Book Thief.  I refuse to watch the movie until I have read the book.  I like to create the characters in my mind, and then if the movie differs, I can still watch knowing my imagination got it right, not some movie director.  When I watch a movie first, my imagination is limited to what I saw on the screen.

I'm not far from the end of The Book Thief and I'm a little sad at the thought of finishing. It's always a little depressing, like saying goodbye to a friend in some weird way.  And then there is the unsettling feeling that I may not find a book as good as this one.  I always do, but it concerns me for a moment there. 

This particular book is set in Nazi Germany.  I have a bit of a fascination with the goings-on of this time.  It's plays on my mind long after I close my book shut for the night.  I am left with confusion and questions.

How can people do this to one another? 

How was this allowed to happen?

Why didn't more people step up and band together to stop the monstrosity? 

I couldn't have just watched on.  Surely I would have done something, or said something.  At least I hope I would.

Isn't someone who watches on as such evil acts take place not much better than the one who commits them?

I feel some weird kind of anger at the people in my imagination that they watched on as their neighbours, old friends, acquaintances were treated worse than animals.  I can't explain it, but I'm frustrated with their cowardice.  I couldn't have stood by watching this go on.

But what could I have done?

If I spoke up, wouldn't I have been at risk?  That doesn't matter, I could feel good about risking my life by standing up for the right.

My thoughts don't stop here though.

What if by speaking up my family are put in harms way? What if it meant my children would be made to suffer? I can't risk my children's lives.  If it meant I was keeping my children safe then perhaps I am better off keeping quiet.......

And it's too late.  I realise I am one of them.  And I'm strangely disappointed in myself because I thought I was different, but my moment of pause and justification shows that I am no different. I was angry at them, but maybe I am one of them.

Hot damn

In the past few weeks, I have been blessed with a new baby nephew, and 2 baby nieces.  Two of my sisters and my sister-in-law all gave birth fairly close together and our family is growing.  Well, our extended family is growing, our own little family of four is going to remain a family of four. 

A few years back when we received the "no more children for you" news, I was pretty shocked and disappointed.  We decided that down the track, adoption could be an option.  

Now that we are down that track, I can tell you I have zero desire to have another baby.  I love babies, really I do, but I remember hearing that when you are done with having babies you will just 'know' and I now know how that feels.  I look at a baby and it makes me all warm and fuzzy, but I do not want one of my own anymore.  My baby is seven.  I am out of that phase and my body is perfectly happy getting to stay horizontal for 8 hours a night. 

When I say my baby is seven, he is actually seven going on seventeen with his interest in girls at the moment.  We have had to have a little...chat after an embarrassing experience last week. 

Anthony had a full week out every day from early in the morning til late afternoon, and Tony was at a friends house so Tarts and I went on a little 'date'.  Seeing as I can't drive STILL, we took a bus and train to Yoghurtland, and then a train and bus home.  On the bus on the way home he sat on a seat away from me and had a girl with her mum near him.  The girl looked about 13.  

He calls across the bus to me whilst pointing at the girl:

"HEY MUM!! Look at her - SHE'S HOT!!!

I tried to ignore him but he continued to yell out to me and just to make sure there was no doubt as to who he was referring to, he had his hand above her head pointing a finger down at her and called out;

"Mum! Look at this girl, she is definitely hot!"

I couldn't save the situation.  The damage was done and there was nothing I could do about it.  So when our stop came up next (thankfully), I hopped off the bus quick smart.  I explained to Carter that what he said wasn't very polite and then I asked if he even knew what 'hot' meant.  He paused to think then said;

"It means pretty.....and sexy."

Well colour me gob smacked.  Whilst a very accurate description, it wasn't exactly what I want to hear from my seven year old. I suggested that in future, he stick with 'pretty' if he sees a girl he likes.

Well a few days have passed and wherever we go, Carter is on the look out for girls. He points out 'pretty' girls to me constantly.  In Timezone, in Coles, in church, at MacDonalds, on the bus.....pretty much anywhere.  

Just yesterday we were lining up at McDonalds to get a drink, and the girl who served us obviously caught his attention as he tapped me on the leg and announced;

"Hey Mum, that girl is pretty.  I think she is really pretty and I think I'm in love!  Ooh, just look at her!  She is HOT!  I mean pretty, she is pretty mum."

I'm glad he has taken my words to heart but holy moly, he is only seven and already we are having to deal with this kind of stuff.  Thankfully Tony is taking things a little slower and although he has an emerging interest in girls, he is taking it at a more reasonable pace. 

Look out ladies, Carter is on the lookout! 

Public transport activist

I was waiting at the bus stop a few weeks back when an older gentle man approached the stop to look at the bus schedule.  Actually 'gentleman' might not be the right term, as he looked rather rough and ready but had a kind smile.  I smiled back and told him the next bus should be there any minute as it hadn't come yet but was due to arrive a couple of minutes ago.  

Somehow, we got chatting.  He was gruff, but a nice fellow.  It was plain to see he had seen his share of tough times, some self inflicted and some not, but I found him endearing. 

After mentioning he had six daughters who he didn't hear from very much, and that those daughters had three different mothers but that he was single after all that, he left me with one piece of advice. 

He stated very matter-of-faculty;

"Trust me, do not get married."

I chuckled a little and said his advice has come a bit late. He nodded knowingly and said;

"Ahhh, a newlywed huh?"

I smiled and informed him we have been married ten years now and have two beautiful sons. He commented on my age and then told me that ten years is something he never managed. He then asked me what was our secret. 

I found that weirdly uncomfortable.  Being asked by someone so much older than me for marriage advice.  I actually don't know what I said at all.  But I have found myself thinking about this exchange since.  

I am incredibly happily married, and I am more aware than ever that that is a rare thing.  Our relationship is very real.  We have our 'off' days, and our days when one of us is doing a lot more than the other because the other hasn't got much to give that day. 

 We fight.  Not crazy screaming matches, but we certainly don't always see eye to eye, and that's ok.  I can recall about six weeks ago we argued over math.  Like actual math, which neither of us are particularly good at.  It's funny to me now because it's so ridiculous, but I also know it wasn't about  math really, it was about one of us not feeling listened to and the other not feeling understood.  And that is why it's ok that we fight sometimes, because we are able to sort things through and get to the bottom of it without it being scarring.  In fact, we seem to end up stronger somehow.

My main 'secret' is that Anthony is my best friend in every way possible.  He is my favourite person to spend time with and he truly loves me, the me who is daggy and in my pj's at three in the afternoon.  He loves the real me. How can you not be happy with that! 

I feel as though I have marriage the way it was intended to be - a joy, a support, a challenge a very small percent of the time, and a safe place to grow.  Perhaps that's why my bus buddy couldn't give his recommendation to matrimony, he hasn't yet found what I feel so lucky to have.