Serial clubbing

I was average at lots of sports and hobbies growing up.  I played well enough to be chosen early on when teams were chosen, but I never excelled enough to make it to a real State rep team or anything. 

I tried my hand at lots of different sports/activities in my younger years. I played tennis, t-ball, swimming ,ballet, jazz ballet, line dancing, volleyball, basketball, badminton, and piano (to name a few).  I did ok, but was never particularly good at any of them. 

You know what I was good at though......quitting! I quit every single one of them.  I quit ballet because I lost my shoes and couldnt face everyone again. I quit a lot of sports because I enjoyed the actual matches but found training boring. I quit others because I wasn't disciplined enough to give them a real go so they became an inconvenience to me.  I didn't stay part of any club for long. 

Looking at my life now, I initially thought my track record into adult life isn't much better.  I'm not really part of any sporting or social club. But this week I realised throughout life, we join countless clubs. Some we join willingly, some we join unknowingly, some we join without any say in our mbership, and some we join without ever wanting to. 

Some clubs we are born into. I joined the 'girls club' simply be being born a girl. We girls are connected by having shared experiences as a result of our gender. That's about all that binds us, but don't let the size of the club fool you, it's a pretty tight knit club.

I was also born a 'Mormon'. This put me in the 'Christian club', but also the 'Mormon club'.  I'm still a part of both these clubs and hope to remain in good standing in both for the rest of my.....well, forever. 

I am part of the 'Bennallack club' along with my parents, siblings, and cousins. We are affiliated with other clubs that may have different names but we share the same DNA so we gather for club meetings and activities together (family dinners, reunions etc).  

Later in life I took a liking to a member of the 'Bush club' and decided to apply for dual membership. I am since a proud member of the 'Bush club' also. Anthony and I have even recruited two of our own members.  

I joined the 'Mothers club' nearly eight years ago now after deciding that nine months in the 'Pregnant woman's club' was enough for me. I was recruited once again several years later but found that the club's main beliefs were still weight gain, nausea, and exhaustion and so I quit again after another nine months membership.  They won't be suckering me back in again anytime soon. 

The 'Mothers club' comes with a lifelong membership.  It's demanding but a club I would be devastated to not be a part of.  It's members are very supportive of one another as we relate to each other well.  

Other clubs I have joined unwillingly. Off the top of my head I have joined the 'Death of a loved one club', the 'Chronic pain sufferers club',  and the 'Parent of a child with additional needs club'.  These clubs have very reluctant members, but they are also some of the most supportive clubs to be a part of.  Perhaps it's that none if us want to be there. Or maybe that none of us know what to do now we have joined. But there is comfort from associating with other members of these clubs.  There is comfort when the other members hear your story, your pain, your frustrations, your sadness, and they respond with; 

"Me too."

It's comforting to feel understood and know you aren't alone in your experiences. 

I don't know which club I will join next. I may get a say in it, but I may not. But one thing I do know is that by the time someone tells you to;

"Join the club"

Well, chances are you already have. 

To battle

In war, there is a term called a 'cease fire'. This refers to both sides agreeing to TEMPORARILY  stop fighting.

This amazes me! The fact that it is temporary means what they are fighting for isn't over, in fact they intend to continue the fighting, but for whatever reason, they need to rest for a time.  

There are even instances where cease fires were called for a few days to celebrate Christmas. 

I am part of some online mothers groups. I am also friends with a lot of mothers. We hear often about 'bad days '. Sometimes these bad days are not just days, they are weeks, and months. They are exhausting. I hear amongst these 'mothering communities' of mothers who are exhausted, who are struggling, and who don't know what to do.  Somedays I feel like this mother.  

I love my children and family so much. They are absolutely my source of joy. But like these mothers say, sometimes it's hard. It's tiring work that doesn't stop. There is the normal everyday work to put food on the table, pay the rent, and have clean clothes etc.  But some days just feel a bit tougher than others.

I think on days like this, all you can do is call a cease fire. Throw up your hands and recognise that for today, I need to stop the 'battle'. I need to rest because the fight is hard and long and I want to do the job right. So for today, I will rest so I can get up and fight again tomorrow. 

I think I will plan a 'cease fire' for tomorrow - just because.

A mummy report

Women by nature tend to be chatty. We like to talk.....about anything. There is something therapeutic about getting together with someone you love and trust and just having a good 'ol chat.

We want to chat when we have something wonderful we want to share. When we want to have a whinge. When we are bored. Or simply because we haven't spoken to anyone in the last fifteen minutes so we MUST be due for a conversation with SOMEONE!

One topic we seem to be constantly talking about it our precious offspring. We talk constantly about their development, their progress, their behaviour, their habits, and how they affect our lives.   People without children may think this will not happen to them......but just you wait!

I was thinking the other day about how my sons see me and my life. I was imagining what they would tell their friends if they were discussing me the way us Mummy's discuss our children.

I imagine them saying;

"My Mum is 349 months now and is coming along really well. She certainly has her days where she just pushes ALL my buttons, but then she tucks me in and kisses me goodnight and I can't help but forget all the times I was annoyed at her through the day.

She is currently going through a phase of just DESTROYING the kitchen. Everyday come afternoon, she goes through the cupboards getting out all the pots and pans and utensils and makes such a big mess. I can't understand it - we have perfectly good toys that I CONSTANTLY invite her to play with me but she just insists she will play with the toys later and would rather play with kitchen utensils and continues on making her mess. You pick your battles though so I leave her be, just as long as she doesn't expect me to clean up after her.

Thankfully we are now out of the "potty talk" phase! For a while there it was getting ridiculous. Constantly asking whether I was doing #1 or #2, how I was going in there, and even if she could come in! I couldn't even get a moments peace in the toilet. There were even times she would bring me a book to read to me WHILE I was doing my business. I love her, but I just need my space sometimes you know?

I was a little concerned about her temper tantrums recently. I have spoken to my brother about it and he agrees that between 3-7pm just seems to be her cranky time. We have tried distracting her by asking lots of questions, telling her we are hungry so she will have something to do, and arguing with each other to keep her occupied but she still seems to be difficult during these hours. Ah what's a child to do!

Oh her sleeping patterns have improved recently thankfully! She still seems to wake up a bit cranky but we just pre-empt this and solve it by waking her up before the sun while she is still a little tired to gently ease her into the day. We find the best method has been to come in at the crack of dawn and climb into her bed and cuddle for a while. So she doesn't try and fall back asleep, I find myself making up all kinds of small talk ranging from what I dreamt, to what toys I want to play with that day, to what I have named all my toes. If she is really kicking up a fight, I just pretend I'm stretching and give her a little kick in the ribs. I don't LIKE having to do it, but its for her own good you know?

But really, overall she is progressing really well and we all know that all Mummy's develop at their own pace. She still has plenty of time. I like to think that I have contributed a lot to how well she is doing. I don't even have any formal qualifications for being a child. It's all come naturally :)"

Conundrum

The school holidays have come to an end. I am both thrilled and saddened at the same time. These past weeks have been a lot of fun, combined with plenty of bickering and 'dobbing'.

These holidays I cracked a pretty heavy duty riddle though. For almost 8 years I have tried to figure out how these little people we allow into our lives have so much power over us as grown adults.

Surely by looking at us, you would think parents would always be the superior beings. Our size and strength alone means we 'should' be able to rule the world of children with ease.

Secondly, our fully developed brains should indicate intelligence so superior that we have no hope of being mentally broken.

Finally, we have a host of 'super powers' that come into effect the minute that baby is put into your arms.

There is the power of disguise. We can disguise unwanted vegetables, meats, and any other foods so well our targets have no idea they are consuming anything nutritious. We can disguise chores as a game, and a boring errand as something adventurous.

There is the power of super tuned hearing. No matter how big the crowd, or how quiet the call, we can pick the voice/cry of our own little person. Even if 1000 children were calling "Mum!!", we are able to identify the single voice calling us.

And of course the ever necessary eyes in the back of our heads. No need to use the rear view mirror, we know who is causing trouble in the back seat. We know when faces are being pulled behind our backs, and who is pinching who before anyone places any blame.

Female adult species are bestowed an extra gift of additional (yet invisible) hands and an all-knowing mind. They know where everyone and everything is at ALL times and use their additional hands to cook dinner, whilst feeding a child, talking on the phone, AND doing the banking online.

We are well equipped to conquer the little beings in our home. Yet time and time again they come out on top. Logic had left me lost as to how they do it. What is their hidden power? Their kryptonite to our superpowers?

I have found the answer these holidays. All children posses a superpower that leaves us weak and bordering on helpless.

It is the power of.....endless energy.

This superpower weakens all adult defences. It begins with sleep being unnecessary, happily exchanged for midnight games and DVD watching.  Then comes rising before the sun, and the need for constant movement. It is able to transform a well planned day into wild mess. Order into chaos. It turns an organised mind into a chunk of cheese.

Thankfully these powers weaken with time and begin to taper after several years. Strangely enough, at around the 13 year mark, the opposite seems to come into effect and what was once a wild ball of endless energy turns into what can only be described as a sloth. I never thought I would say this but part if me is looking forward to the teenage years.

Best things

As a family of limited income, I am fond of the saying;

"The best things in life are free."

You generally hear this term in reference to things like family, friends, lazy days at home in your pj's, weekly lunchtime trips to the park with your children, etc.

But not a single one of these things is actually 'free'. All of them come at a cost of some sort. I love spending time with my little family. My world wouldn't be half as joyous without them. I don't have to open my wallet every time I want to spend time with them (lucky, as my wallet is normally empty), but having my family has come at a cost. A significant cost.

Having children is a HUGE expense. Perhaps one of the biggest expenses you can commit to. It also requires you to give your time, your sleep, and oft times your sanity. It is far from free.

Friends also come at a cost. To have friends, you actually need to be a friend and that requires your time. When needed it requires sacrifice to help. It requires you to give your ears to listen and your shoulder to cry on.

Having the freedom to spend lazy days at home, or impromptu trips to the park are popular in our house. We don't pay to do them, but for me to be able to do them with my children, we give up a second income. If we were so desperate to have more to spend as we wish, we could work longer hours, or get another job, but we made a decision that we wanted to have time for our family, particularly for me as a Mother. It was important to both of us that I could be home to raise our children if there was a way for us to make that work. But of course that decision has come at a cost.

These are of course bigger examples, but even though the best things in my life may 'technically' be free, they do indeed come at a cost. Those costs I would pay time and time again without as much as batting an eyelid, as they are the best investments I have made. They make me happy. The kind of contented happy that makes you feel so blessed every day no matter what life throws at you.

The best things in life aren't free at all, there just isn't a monetary price that can be put on them. They aren't free, they are priceless.

Daughter-in-law

Had a chat in the car with my little fellas earlier this week. The topic of our conversation? Marriage. It seems to be a rather dominant conversation topic in our home, along with trains, Mario, Sonic, planes, and jail.

I told the boys that when I was younger and thought about what kind of man I wanted to marry, I wanted to marry someone kind, smart, with a good sense of humour, someone who wanted children and who would put family first.

I asked the boys what kind of qualities they would like their future wife to have.

Tony was quiet for a moment and after some thought he said he wanted to marry someone who wanted to have children, who was a hard worker, who was a nice person, who didn't break the law, who didn't smoke or swear, and who could cook. Oh, and someone who liked Mario and Sonic.

This seemed like a pretty good list to me. I think I would be pretty happy with a daughter-in-law like this.

I asked Carter the same question. His list of qualities was much shorter. He said;

"I want a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket."

True villains

Tony and I watched 'Rumpelstiltskin' a few weeks back on YouTube. He hadn't heard the story before and found it very interesting. We then watched 'Hansel and Gretal'.  Tony was gobsmacked with how awful the stepmother was. He had seen the 'Hansel and Gretal' movie at his Aunty's house but I could tell he really couldn't fathom the idea of a mother leading her children out to a forest and left to starve just because there wasn't enough food to feed all four of them. What a horrible, horrible woman!

I agree.  It is horrible......if the story is accurate.

It seems that the story we hear is the children's side of it all. I'm not saying its completely wrong, just that if we heard the step mother's story, perhaps we wouldn't view her as such a villain.  Let's give a fellow mother the benefit of the doubt - we all know what kids are like right?

I see flaws in this story which lead me to believe Hansel and Gretal may have taken a few liberties in their story.

1.  They WILLINGLY went into the woods with their Father and Stepmother and when told to stay there as their parents left.....they did.  One word here raises doubt to this story.

 Obedience.

  Not likely!

2. When they overhead their parents planning the night before they were taken into the woods for the first time, they gathered white pebbles to help them find their way back.  Now I can't speak for anyone else but my boys can hardly plan where to put their next foot when walking, let alone plan to outsmart a supposed 'nasty' Stepmother.

3. The lack of bickering.  At no point in this story do Hansel and Gretal argue, bicker, or tease me another.  This story has GOT to be false.

It's not that I think the whole thing is a big fat lie.  I just think it didn't quite happen as we have heard it.

Suppose 'perfect' little Hansel and Gretal didn't take kindly to their new step mother.  Suppose they refused to eat the nutritious meals she slaved over.

Perhaps they WERE sent out into the forest, but only to find berries, and they wandered off and decided to muck about for hours on end and get lost.  Instead of wanting to get in trouble, perhaps they made up an elaborate story.  Yes, it's a good story.....but it REEKS of childish imagination. I mean a house made of sweets with a witch inside to lure unsuspecting children?

COME ON!! It sounds a little too convenient to me.

For all we know, this poor step mother could have just sent them out of the house for a moments peace.  Just a quiet hour to clean up the never ending mess, to be away from the never ending barrage of questions;

"What can I eat?"

"Where is my other shoe?"


"I want to play the WII but its not working properly! Muuuuummm can you fix it!!"

(I know WII didn't exist in 1990 but MAYBE Hansel and Gretal had one in old time Germany??)

Perhaps she just wanted a moments peace to go to the bathroom alone or shower without having to referee arguments over who is Peppa Pig and who is Brother George.

Now I would never send my children out to the woods alone! I'm not condoning this at all.  But I see flaws ind these stories we are told and the more I think about it, I am pretty certain Hansel and Gretal is a story passed around by these two cunning children to get their Father back to themselves and become little heroes in the meantime.

Or maybe I am wrong.  Maybe they really did outsmart their parents, find a house of lollies, and defeat a witch.

Maybe I just have too much time on my hands.