Not All Bad

 Not all change is bad.

I didn’t realise how long it had been since I heard Tony call out to Carter;

“Hey Carter, do you want to play FIFA on the PlayStation with me?”

Both the boys like video games, but tend to play them separately or with their own friends.  Lately, I have heard them playing together and between trash talk they laugh and tease one another.  

Today they played “drive-thru” at Tony’s bedroom window (this had been something Carter has wanted to do for a couple of days now) and took one another’s orders for lunch and prepared the food in the kitchen and ran it back out to the window.  It was simple, but I could hear in their voices they were having fun in the middle of their online school day.

Every second day, I hear them wrestling in the lounge room.  I know they are likely jumping off the couch and tackling one another, but I choose not to watch because I will likely tell them they shouldn’t be jumping on the couch or to be careful so they don’t hurt one another.  I choose not to look because I hear them having fun and enjoying their time with one another.  I think that in all the busyness of life they forgot they are both brothers AND friends.  They have their own social groups and separate interests, jobs and activities that keeps them apart a lot, but lockdown has put a stop to 90% of those things and now we are together most the time.  

I must admit it was a bit odd at first, to all be home so much, but I feel so blessed to be able to say without any doubt that these 3 people are the people I really want to be with above all else.  I must acknowledge that unlike many others, we are very fortunate to have a safe place to live and steady work still and this alone removes a great deal of stress that others in lockdown are enduring. We also haven’t lost a loved one to the disease that is affecting so many world wide.  Compared to many, our life is relatively smooth despite the lockdown conditions.

Over 7 weeks of lockdown has slowed our pace of life.  We still have work and school, but it gets done and we get to just hang out together.  Sometimes it’s going for a walk or playing at the park, other days it’s watching a movie on the couch.  The best part is that whilst doing these activities, there is no part of me that feels guilty, like we should be getting other things done or that we are wasting time.  I have realised that in the past, my ideas of an accomplished day involved being busy a lot.  It was as if a packed schedule was some kind of badge of honour.  I rarely felt my head hit the pillow with a sense of satisfaction that I had ticked everything off my “to-do” list. There was always more to do.  

I have changed my mind set now.  I don’t want to go back to the packed schedule of before.  I know life will inevitably be busy again, when school goes back and sports return, but I am determined to keep my view that having some veg time watching a movie on the couch is not any sign of laziness, maybe it’s an indication that I am planning my days well and not over-scheduling.  I feel that in the years and decades to come, I will regret not taking those moments to recharge so my boys get the best of me.  I will regret not lying on my bed next to them just chatting and watching music clips on YouTube instead of folding laundry.  I will regret not eating ice cream out of the tub with my sweetheart while we laugh over cheesy jokes we have heard.  I will miss seeing all the parents out on the field behind our house actually PLAYING with their children and not just supervising them.  That field is packed every day with families out having fun together being active because they can now find the time much easier without all the after school activities.  These little moments are really the big moments, and I think I have spent years either not appreciating them or missing them all together.  

Lockdown is far from ideal and it certainly comes with its challenges (no amount of teaching experience equips your to work through online learning with your own child and maintain your sanity), but I have loved being able to slow down a little and just hang out with my 3 boys and know we are the only place we are supposed to be right now.