Life as of late has felt surreal. I feel as though I live in two worlds. There is the world where I still do laundry, still make meals for my family, still pay the same bills by the same due date, and where I go to work at the same desk like nothing has changed.
But my life is also very different. I bring one son to work with me to oversee his school work while I work (I am so thankful to have a boss willing to let me give this a go). My other son does his school work online at home while Anthony teaches online. We don’t go anywhere we don’t absolutely need to go. There is no school run, no trips out to Yoghurtland, no after school sport, and no going to church.
The world is going through a collective change. It’s certainly challenging. But the slower, quieter pace of life has allowed my mind to slow down a little too.
I was able to sit with Carter as he wrote a story last night, in red pencil of course - red is his favourite. The story involved two boys having a crush on the same girl. A mix of both love and rivalry - Carter to a ‘t’. Carter has a heart bigger than his body. He feels emotions big, both the positive and the challenging. He apologises quickly and forgives in a second. He is very imaginative and can play with his marbles for a good hour or so, but he doesn’t play marbles in the traditional sense, he lines them up as rugby or soccer teams, they sing the national anthem, and then kick off and play a game, complete with a white marble as the referee. I have really enjoyed watching him and learning more of how his mind works.
Tony and I were able to laugh and giggle at silly, insignificant things late into the night when he would normally be asleep. We sit next to each other on the couch teasing one another, he is quick witted and “gets” my humour. I see my humour mirrored back at me in him. He is quiet, but a friend to anyone who seeks his company. Tony is a deep thinker, is hard on himself, yet capable in ways he can’t see in himself. He is snappy when stressed, but feels guilty when he recognises his behaviour and hovers around trying to make it up to us. I love that we have a bit more time in the evening to watch movies that I loved and that he is old enough to appreciate he understand.
Anthony has still been very busy with work, but it’s nice having him home more. Just having his presence in our home makes me happy. Today as I sat with Anthony watching a movie, his arm around me, I realised that every single day for over 15 years, he has told me I am beautiful. He has made me feel loved every single day. Even days where we have been cranky with one another, he still makes me feel loved. I don’t quite know how he does it, but I feel it. He is my safe place and my happy place all in one.
I hope when all this is over, I will appreciate the freedoms in life that I have taken for granted but have been taken from us for a season. However, more than that, I hope I don’t get so caught up in life being busy again that I miss the little things that are standing out to me more now that life is quieter. I guess that’s up to me though.
