I know I am stating the obvious, but being a parent changes you. You go from feeling like your life is semi under control to feeling like you are living in an insane asylum. No one sleeps, there is lots of screaming, people are naked, there is more food on the walls/floor/furniture than in any ones mouths, and you can't understand a word anyone is saying.
I used to believe the saying that some things go without saying.
I used to believe some things should never be said at all.
That was then. This is now.
Every day as a parent, I find myself saying things I never imagined coming from my mouth. I KNOW I'm not alone in this.
1. "Do I smell poo or a bum burp? PLEASE say bum burp!"
2. "Let me smell your finger."
3. "Spit it out and bring it to me, I will eat it."
4. "I know it hurts but I'm not going to kiss your bum."
5. "All the blocks are the EXACT same-stop fighting over the same one!"
6. "Stop strangling your brother and tell him you love him!"
7. (yelling as loud as I can) "How many times do I have to tell you to stop yelling!!"
8. "If you don't eat your bowl of ice-cream, you're in big trouble!"
9. "Pull your undies up BEFORE your pants."
10. Hop in the bath and I will bring your dinner to you."
11. "Do I hear laughing? If you are laughing I won't be happy!"
12. "I am going to the toilet! Can't I have one second to myself?"
13. Stop picking your nose, we are having dinner soon."
14. "One person on the toilet at a time."
15. "PLEASE tell me that's chocolate on the wall!"
16. "That is not food, spit it out.....ah forget it!"
17. "I am not a tissue/rubbish bin/slave!"