Fast forward a few hours and I was sitting on the couch all teary missing having a newborn baby!
I was watching a show where the mother just had baby number three and was comparing her new baby in size to her other two. I started to feel the same way and all of a sudden I was hit with pangs of sadness that my "baby" is a four year old! I know I am totally stating the obvious, but it REALLY DOES go too fast.
Those nine pregnant months that seem to go forever while you wait with anticipation to meet the little person you have already grown to love. Then suddenly the day of delivery arrives and those nine months seem as though they raced by and life as you know it is changed forever. Your entire reason for being is changed. Your priorities change dramatically as you no longer live for yourself as you have someone who is completely dependent upon you. You get to experience joy and love like never before. It used to amaze me how much time I could spend just staring at my babies - it was a face that I had only set eyes on a matter of weeks ago, but one that I felt as though I had known it for a lifetime. Of course being a parent to a baby is demanding too (but each stage doesn't seem to last very long). Your whole schedule revolves around this little person for a while and some days you are lucky if you get a shower before 3pm. Sleepless nights can make this time feel like it drags, but sleep comes, and with it the bitter-sweet knowledge that your little one is becoming a little more independent and can be away from you for slightly longer than before.
If I am to be honest, I do not miss the sleepless nights. In fact, having Carter wake with a bad dream is a rude shock to me and I struggle to walk him back to bed. But what I do miss is waking in the night to feed my beautiful baby and to see their little face light up simply with eye-contact. Once my eyes locked onto theirs and my voice reached their ears, all was right in their world again.
After the program was over, I couldn't help but go into Tony and Carter's rooms and whisper to them that I loved them in the hope my voiced reached them in their dreams and made their worlds right.