Green thumb

I decided to try my hand at a little weeding in our garden (actually jungle) yesterday.  We are moving house  next weekend and want to leave our yard tidier than it currently is.  For those who haven't seen our front yard, its insane.  We are on a slope and we don't have grass, just weeds and shoots and what I think is the odd plant or two.
I was going to do some on Monday but then I realised that we own absolutely no gardening tools whatsoever so I postponed til yesterday instead.
I headed outside armed with some sheers, a weed fork thing, and a weird mini rake thing that I liked the look of and even if it wasn't for raking leaves, it certainly did the trick just fine.  It's wasn't until I was all ready for action that I realised there were several things working against me.

1. I don't have the faintest idea about gardening.
2. I can't tell the difference between weeds and plants.
3. I can't bend my back so it makes bending down on a slope very hard.
4. I have a ten second attention span for activities I have zero interest in.

I decided to start simple and pull a few weeks and loose bark from around a rather sturdy looking little palm tree looking plant. As I was pulling the dead bark off the base, I must have pulled a little hard because I pulled the ENTIRE plant out of the ground.  As I stood with this tree, roots and soil dangling in my hand, I must have looked like a guilty child who knew they had done something wrong.  So I checked around me and threw it down the little cliff next to our house where no one would  find it.

I gave up on that part of the yard and moved on to a different section near our stairs.  Our stairs are rather deadly at the moment as these weird vines have grown out from the garden and if you aren't careful, your feet can get caught in them as you go up/down the steps.  I grabbed a bunch of these vines that were beginning to take over their part of the yard and tugged.  As I tugged, more and more of them lifted up from under the dirt.  They were springing up from everywhere and I was having to move back further and further away to keep pulling on them......until they all snapped suddenly sending me stumbling backwards flat onto my butt.

Feeling a little embarrassed, I started pruning some overgrown branches.  With each snip, I kept feeling what I was sure was baby spiders flying around my head.  I waved my arms over my head each time to get rid of them to find nothing was there.  It took me a good few repetitions of my  'dance move' to realise it was just tiny tiny little leaves flying off the branches.

By this point I looked both sides of me to see if any neighbours were watching as I must have been making quite the fool of myself.  According to my watch, barely any time had passed.   I stood back to assess my handiwork to realise it didn't look any different at all.

So I threw down my tools and went inside for some brussel sprouts and a block of chocolate. Not together of course.